Today is not a good day

I suppose to be in Australia today, but can't (reason was on previous blog).

Then, when I log on about 8:30 am -- I found offline message of friend in Melburne at 3.59 am telling that his father died this morning. What the suck! I read it again and again for many times, thought I was mis-reading, but it's not. I sent him SMS but I know there will be no response, he has no credit to send me back. Calling cost me more too. So, just frustrated here.

I talked to Jackie, he had dinner with Stottmann's family and Denise told him that Kate sounded sad when she knew I can't visit KY again. Jackie told them that I will visit there again someday, yes, it's true but I don't know when. I rush myself to scan the postcard I wrote last Friday for Kate and will send her again by post but it'll take a month or so to be in her hand, I want her to be glad to see my messages how good she is on her singer, and wrote this song by herself. See How awesome she is -- I proud of her but more than that I think about how her parents raise her to be that good performer! She's pretty good in only 4th grade. http://www.jefferson.k12.ky.us/Schools/Elementary/Middletown//reflectionsmusic05.htm

Anyone who knew I was in KY 2 years ago will know that Kate, a 10 years old girl, and I were such the good friends, we went to Mammoth cave together. We contacted each other few times with letters and emails to her mom.

But that was the same feeling with another girl, Jachu, who I like. She lives in Chiangrai and I heard she asked about me many times. But I can't meet ever. Jachu is 5 years old girl, can't read yet or don't even use phone like any little girls who like to.

So, two girls living in different places thinking about me but I can't meet both of them. That's life -- my friend said. And it's sad...

Plan change

I have planned to leave country today, this time I should be on the airplane ahead to another country, but plan have changed because something unexpected. My dad got fever 2 days ago, and quite bad, he had 39 degrees centigrade, chilled and vomitted. That made all family members worry about, may be my mom more than anyone. We sent him to hospital 2 times on last Friday evening (with only fever and chilled) and Saturday morning (with vomitted), different hospitals, and found that he might only got a cold, but seems effected his body a lot because of his age. I have called airline after I found his fever came back again yesterday evening when he found himself a bit better and took shower just want to be comfortable. I need to tell him for no more shower for about a week, only wet himself to clean his body with towel. Today after cousins visited him for Chinese New year, he had some foods, but vomitted again.

I changed my plan for another week, because it's more important to be with family better than leaving everyones just for my personal holiday. Even I know something might bother me on the way to that day, and I just found today. But I hope it'll not bother me too much. I just read books more and arrange my room for anyone to stay here while I'm away. Have some spare times for things since I always have something to do.

Also found that mom moved back to sleep in the same room with him when he's very sick like this. (Mom was away sleeping in different room for few months, since my dad presented he doesn't care about her) Sometime, I just can't understand why.. Maybe because of love.

Love that make people can do anything, that seems unfair in somebody's mind.

And I almost called my ex-bf just because I wanted to talk (don't think I still love him), but then, I decided to don't do it. I don't want to create more problems to us ever.

Drink and Dance

Woo Hoo.... For over 2-3 years without going to bar and had night life for drinking and dancing. Finally last night we made it.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not a party girl, I just like to enjoy sometime with friends. Yesterday, I was planning to meet one best friend in old company but different group from few days ago, we planned to have dinner before around my old office, then, make decision if I want to join there party. We had dinner and talked about things, people and progression, it's good to know the updating informations on people who I know but don't get the news for long times.

Then, without any dicussion, I just followed them ;)

We reach to Sukhumvit 55, Soi Tonglor 10 and "Boose" - Pub and restuarant, when we reach there about 9pm, not so many people there, but just an hour, you got difficult time to find the place to stand, I started drinking whisky mixed with 7-up, then, with coke then, 7-up pure, and 7-up with lime. All were good and made me drunk after that. But not so bad, it's fun to get drunk a bit and can be more enjoyable. Then, we danced I think since we reach there about 9pm and left about 1:30 am, we danced like crazy and had fun, not really profession dance, don't expect about that, but you know it's just what idea for fun and moved our bodies, so, we just laughed and seemed no one wanted to stop. Jan, Joop, P Tok, P Moo and Yom (but only half dancing, she didn't get up). The only thing that bothered me was smoked, when you went to closed building with people smoke around you, and been there for many hours, you will got some problems to breath and I did (do), especially when other two friends visited and smoked just next to me, and didn't emit it up, but just the same level we stood, I had problem and later, felt like want to sleep, but it's not really because of sleepy, just smoke came to my eyes.

New friends asked me about what am I doing.. well, unemployed and nothing, but before when I told them what I worked in 10 years and got to know these group of friends, then, worked with hilltribes, it made more interested to them, and long discussions about decision I made to work with, yes, it was interested for Bangkok woman with very good / well known company but changed her life to work in different areas in rural place. And I had fun working there really. Developed a lot of skills by that. Life was more enjoyable. But in few days, I will leave to other places and have more fun to my life.

Thanks Joop to invited me to party, I had fun!

---

Another night before last, I went out and met a new friend again outside, I took him for dinner place in Oragon, new superstore, I only drank hot lemon and honey, then, we went to another place for drinking, I drank beer, by he had some liguor mixed with coke. We had long talking about things, business ideas and lives, sort of good talking. We aparted about 11pm.

I got contact from "somebody" I didn't expect, but finally we had long discussion on phone in about 4 hours about his life, attitudes, thoughts, somethings bothered him, I wish I could help him feeling better about life and at least find the way to find a better solutions. Life is not so easy, and will find its way if we don't give up before.

"Dependable" is another word I found for this topic, and we will figure out.

Until the next time.

After 3 years we met again

คนเราจะมีพรุ่งนี้ได้อีกกี่วัน เวลามีเหลือกันเท่าไร...

I listen to this song right now and remind me to move on. Life is ours. Then, will do anything I want to.

Today is meeting day of old IBM friends, about 3 years we have never met in this big group like this. Had fun on talking about each other lives, we had 7 people and 4 of them left IBM already, I might be the first person, haha. IBM brought me very good thoughts of organizing and systematic, also good friends. We had fun talking about anything, old colleague, gossip like women, and karaokae party 3 years ago with 4 generations of songs because we worked there so long until new people coming, older generation still and her daughter. I laughed a lot, surprising that Ya can sing "Karabao" songs and very like it.

We expect to meet again, some of them can't join meeting tonight. And will add on with some activities, actually we planned to play bowling together, but 2 friends forgot about it and wore skirt, so, we just sat down, had dinner and talked.

P Nok talked to me that she's glad I can do thing I want to, maybe it's about "Free Life", she wish me to have "good trip" if i'm on trip, "good work" if I'm on work and "good life" all the same to you to ka, P Nok.

Getting sick

I am sick now. It's bad that I got a cold for about a month already, I got it when I went to North-eastern areas on December 17th - 19th -- Nakhon Panom, Sakon nakorn and Udonthani, for 3 days to help Chantalle and Sarah on translation works to Tsunami victim family, at that time weather was so cold, reduced so much just when we reach there. We got chill at night in the guesthouses, I got fever on the last day when we were back to Bangkok. I don't think it will last long, but it is, just few days ago, I got worse. Weather changed last week, reduce about 10 degrees (C) again. So, now, I cough, nose running, headache sometime and sneezes. I spent almost my day on bed yesterday, got up early like normal (but a bit later from last month - 7am). then went to bed again about 9am, and afternoon for another time. Also went to bed at night about 9pm. Sleep a lot hah!

When you got sick, some time you got emotional too. I don't expect anyone to take care of me, I feel free and good to be alone too. (But when you have partner, it's different, you might expect him/her to be around). In opposite way, sometime I'm tough, discipline and will talk straight forward.

Nothing much now, when tired with my cold, I went to bed, reading books for a while then, fell asleep. I think it's just natural healing.

Hope it's gone soon.

ชีวิตใหม่เริ่มขึ้นอีกครั้ง

หลังจากเรื่องใหญ่ ๆ เกิดขึ้นในชีวิตฉัน เมื่อหลายเดือนก่อน ฉันพบว่าชีวิตมันไม่ง่ายนักที่จะดำเนิน และหลายอย่างคือบททดสอบ และถ้าคุณผ่านมันไปได้ นั่นคือบทเรียน และคุณจะโตขึ้นในบางบทที่คุณได้เรียนมา (อยู่ที่ว่าคุณจะเรียนรู้อะไรได้บ้าง) ฉันสูญเสียคนรัก สูญเสียงานที่ฉันรัก - และไม่รู้ด้วยว่าจะเจองานที่รักขนาดนั้นได้อีกมั๊ย สูญเสียลูกทีมดีดี สูญเสียวิถีชีวิตที่เลือกดำเนิน และอีกหลาย ๆ อย่าง

แต่ฉันก็เรียนรู้ที่จะรัก จะถูกรัก ฉันพบเจองานใหม่ ๆ และสิ่งใหม่ ๆ ในชีวิต พบเจอเพื่อนใหม่มากมาย ความคิดเห็นใหม่ ๆ ในระหว่างทาง และสัมพันธภาพที่ก่อตัว และก็จะได้รู้จักมากขึ้นอีก และก็ เสรีภาพ

ฉันเชื่อในวลีเก่าที่หลายปีมานี้แทบจะไม่ได้ใช้มัน "ชีวิตมันสั้น คุณไม่มีทางรู้ว่าพรุ่งนี้ คุณจะได้ลุกขึ้นมาเจออะไรหรือเปล่า เพราะฉะนั้นมีความสุขกับชีวิต (แต่พยายามเป็นคนดีด้วยนะ) คนบางคนเดินเข้าไปสู่บ่วงชีวิตบางอย่างโดยไม่รู้ตัว และก็ไม่สามารถลุกขึ้นมาได้อีก เลยทำให้เขาสูญเสียหลายสิ่งดี ๆ ในชีวิตเขาไป ฉันถามตัวเองว่า ฉันหน้ามืดตามัวมาตั้งนานเหรอ อืม.. ไม่นะ ฉันไม่คิดว่าเป็นอย่างงั้น

ตอนนี้ฉันมีความสุขกับชีวิตมากกว่าเมื่อก่อน และดูเหมือนจะดีขึ้นเรื่อย ๆ ใช้ชีวิตกับวันนี้ ชั่วโมงนี้ ขณะนี้ และทำให้ดีที่สุด แล้วก็สอดใส่แผนชีวิตไว้สักนิด เพราะว่า วันนี้จะมีเพื่อวันพรุ่งนี้ และถ้าพรุ่งนี้มันมาไม่ถึง... เราจะได้ไม่ต้องมาเสียใจ ถ้าเราไม่ทำอะไรที่เราคาดหวังจะทำในวันนี้


"ฉันไม่ได้เขียน 2 ภาษา เพื่อจะใช้สื่อในการแปลให้เพื่อนที่อ่านไทยได้ และอ่านอังกฤษไม่ได้ หรืออ่านไทยไม่ได้ แต่อ่านอังกฤษได้อ่าน แต่ฉันเขียน 2 ภาษา เพราะรักในความสวยงามของภาษา ซึ่งแน่นอน มันไม่เหมือนกันทุกประโยค ทุกคำพูด และนั่นคือ ความแตกต่างของภาษา ที่ทำให้มันมีเสน่ห์

และที่ฉันได้มาเขียนตอนนี้เลย ก็เพราะนอนไม่หลับ ไม่ได้คิดมากอะไร แต่ปวดหัว เพราะหวัดเล่นงานอีกรอบ หลังจากเดือนที่แล้วไปอีสาน แล้วยังไม่หายดี เฮ่อ.. หล่อฮั่งก้วย อยู่ข้าง ๆ เนี่ยแหละ พิมพ์ไป ก็ดื่มไป เผื่อจะช่วยได้"

New Life start again

After some big thing happened in my life few months ago, I found that life is not very easy and a lot of tests. If you passed it you learned and growed up with some areas (may not all areas -- but it's your choice). I lost my lover, I lost my loved job, I lost my good team, I lost my lifestyles, and a lot of thing.

But I also learn to love, to be loved, found new jobs and new things in life, many new friends, new thoughts, relationships, and got to know more also and FREEDOM!

I believe in old phase that I rarely use it couple years ago. Life is short, you don't know if you will get up tomorrow. So, enjoy life (but be good too). Somebody gets in trap accidently and can't get up, then, lost their good things in life. I asked myself If I was blind for so long? No, I didn't.

Now, I do enjoy life better than before and seems getting better and better. Live with present, this hour, this moment and do the best... adding with plan a bit about future, then, today will be for tomorrow. And If tomorrow never come.... We will not be sorry If we didn't do things we expect to do today.